I get my oil changed fairly often. I feel it's the single biggest thing I can do to keep my car from dying before its time.
However, I dislike changing my own oil. I know HOW to, it's just that I dislike it. It requires getting slippery and dirty in parts of the car that I'd rather not go. And oil filters are hard to get off if you don't have the proper tools. The last time I changed my oil myself, I had to pound a screwdriver through the filter so I could turn it to get it off. Messy.
So, I turn to the "professionals" for this task. And because I'm not one to plan too far ahead, I like to go to the local instant-lube place. Let's call it "Señor Lube". Which is why my complaints come in.
These places are run by generally friendly young folks. However, they're pressured to upsell. And upsell they do, in the most condescending possible way. However, over the years I've come to discredit almost everything they say.
- "Sir, your old oil is dark, so I recommend a hot oil flush to get the gunk out of the engine." Right. It's old oil. It's supposed to be dark. That's why I'm here, dude. And you're suggesting that I basically waste perfectly clean oil to "rinse" the inside of my engine? You want me to pay for 1 1/2 oil changes today?
- "Sir, I noticed your head gasket is damp, so I'd suggest that we put this special additive in to help with that." Right. Like your little $12 bottle of additive is going to prevent the head gasket blowing.
- "Sir, your air filter is quite dirty"<shows me the air filter which is slightly gray, and actually has a piece of 4" grass on it. It's March.>
Right. Like you didn't just put that piece of grass on the filter right now. No, take the grass back off the filter, and put it back in. It's good for another 5000 km. "Sir, I noticed that your car is old..." Yeah, that's right. It's because I don't have a lot of money. "...so I'd recommend you use a synthetic motor oil in it. It's only double the price of the usual oil you use." Right. Like a synthetic oil is really going to make this old heap run better than it currently is. "Sir, I noticed that your brake fluid is frothy, which indicates that it's going to break down and cause your brakes to fail at any moment. Naturally, I suggest you get this changed with our convenient brake fluid replacement service." Right. Looks fine to me. Plus, when I return 5000 km from now, and again 10,000 km from now, none of my subsequent "technicians" will comment on it. "Sir, OMG, I can't believe it. Your mechanic used green coolant in your radiator. Your car is only spec'ed for the orange coolant. I suggest we get this changed with our coolant service immediately." Really. You expect me to believe the opinion of a 16-year old oil change worker vs. the opinion of my mechanic, who has 35 years experience. I don't think so. Plus, I kind of like the color green. Leave it, kid. "Sir, your PVC valve (or sometimes it's the inside of the oil cap) is dirty. That's a sign that your engine is burning oil. I'd recommend you get our hot oil flush." Again with the hot oil flush. Gimme a break!
Mrs. Lurch is equally frustrated and intimidated by the barrage of auto-babble doom-speak. However, she simply bats her eyelashes at them and responds, "Oo, you better write that down. I'll ask my husband about that the moment I get home." Unfortunately, I can't do that trick; I have to resort to "Well, son, I'll have to ask my mechanic about that next time I bring the car in for scheduled maintenance"... which sounds pretty wimpy.
And yet, in spite of this, I keep coming back. I suppose I'm one of the many who's willing to put up with aggressive upselling in the name of a fast convenient oil change.
